Slightly Fancy Asparagus

Steam your asparagus (about enough for four people). Now drain it.
Toss the drained asparagus with two tablespoons of vinegar - balsamic, apple cider (hi, mom!), or whatever you want. Throw in a tablespoon of butter, a bit of salt and pepper and a clove of minced garlic. Serve with modest pride.

Roasted Asparagus

Preheat your oven to 450.
Get your asparagus ready - trim the ends, peel if they're fat - and lay them on a roasting pan. Drizzle them with some extra-virgin olive oil and sprinkle a bit of salt on top. Now roast them for 10 to 15 minutes.
Serve with lemon wedges.

Steamed Asparagus

Take your asparagus and trim the gnarly ends off (not the tip!). If your asparagus is thick, they'll be better if you peel the stalks, too. Find a frying pan that can hold the amount of asparagus that you want to cook without crushing them together. Cover them with water and add a pinch of salt. Now cook them on high until they're JUST fork tender - you don't want them mushy and you don't want them crispy.

Now drain them and toss them with some butter and eat.